The institution of marriage is the most unique and trademark institution of the Indian society. A common Hindu or Jain wedding has countless strange, exciting and curious traditional ceremonies. A deep analysis of each of them shows their relevance and provide a possible explanation of how they came into existence.
Here I am listing some of the traditions and highlighting their relevance.
Bhaat is a ritualistic tradition in which the paternal side members of the mother of the bride come to attend the wedding ceremony and give some gifts to their sister. In this way, they share some expenses of bride's marriage. This may have been rooted in the rationale that earlier there was no trend of dowry and girls had no say in their parents property. So to balance things out, girl's brothers are supposed to contribute in the wedding ceremony of their niece.
Two, Sawasini is the tradition wherein the elder sister of the bride or groom, who was most recently married comes to the wedding house few days in advance. She is not just invited but also escorted to the house. She looks after all the wedding related preparation and many important ceremonies starts with her. This may be rooted in the fact that she being the most recent to the overall experience of the marriage, she may have better understanding of the rituals. This will also be her learning for taking senior roles of responsibility in the family.
Three, Brother is supposed to see-off her sister (whose wedding is taking place) to the outside of cities limit. This way the transition is gradual. The event of 'Vidai' is always so painful and heart-wrenching. The girl has to leave her house and move to a totally different circumstances, surrounded by totally different set of people. This is a tectonic shift in girls life. So in this moment of despair, fear, and anxiety, girls brother is supposed to accompany her for some distance. This way girls initial anxiety will be reduced.
Fourth, In Kanyadhan, all the family members, kith and kin are supposed to be gift some artifacts or monetary resources to the girl. This is considered to be girls property and the groom or his family has no right on this. This way girl is assured of some social financial security. This certainly has an empowering effect on girls. Though in practice, this money is usurped by groom's family members.
Fifth, The girl is supposed to take seven sacred vows with the groom. They take seven rounds of Agni (controlled fire). This signifies that their bonding is for seven birth and not limited to just this one. This way, both of them learn to accommodate, adjust, and assimilate each other's liking and disliking. The seven vows are also very interesting and aimed at inculcating mutual respect, trust, and love between the husband and wife. Most importantly, for the first six fere, Girl remains ahead of the boy signifying her lead in domestic matters but for seventh one, she puts boy in front of her showing a spirit of interdependence and mutual partnership.
Sixth, girl offers her last prayers to Devi Devta before leaving. This way girl offers her last prayers to her maternal ancestors and move on to adopt new ancestors of her groom house.
Seventh, Peeli Chithi: In this a formal invitation is sent to the family of groom to come and attend wedding ceremony. Earlier when courts were not there then this would have acted as a proof of wedding. There are two copies made of peeli chithi. One for dead ancestors (Devi devta) and other for groom's family. If groom's family reject the proposal of peeli chithi then wedding does not takes place. See how systematic.
Eight, Sagai and God bharai: This are some pre-wedding rituals which creates the whole atmosphere for wedding. In one boys family members come and put a formal request for the girl's hand. Then a formal period of courtship begins. In other, a peeli chithi is prepared and sent to groom's house. The Sawasini makes a formal beginning of god bharai event and later brother's sister takes the peeli chithi and delivers it to groom's family members.
Ninth, Juta Churai. This is an event to establish the bonhomie between groom and his sister-in-laws. The bride's sister steals shoes of the groom and groom is compelled to gift something to brides sister in return of the shoes. This helps in establishing rapport and fun culture in the family.
Tenth, Once the girl is married and enters her new home, both girl and the boy, now husband and the wife perform this fun ceremony. In this, a ring is dipped in the non-transparent water. Both of them search for the ring in the water. Whoever finds it first, is one who is assumed to call shots in the familial life in the future. In this three chances are given to both of them. A good husband is one who finds it but hand it over to the girl under water. A good wife is one who if find it, then prefer to hand the ring over to boy under the water. And perfect partnership is one where both pulls it out together, holding it together.
There are countless other ceremonies with each having its own relevance and significance. Overall the process of marriage is gradual, all inclusive and systematic. However, sadly nowadays the whole concept is distorted. Earlier when marriage used to take place, whole village member would work in the wedding alongside family members of the bride without taking any food. But now the whole atmosphere is vitiated.
The culture of dowry has spoiled the concept of Kanyadhan. The culture of grand marriages full of pomp, ostentation and status-orientation distorted the feeling of inclusiveness, kinship and love in the family. Now focus is more on number of items, kind of items and size of baarat in the ceremony. The concept of love marriages has taken away the spirit of inclusiveness. Marriage was traditionally considered a bonding of two families and not just two individuals but now they say "When Mian biwi raji to kya karega kazi". No offence to love marriage. It has its own pros and cons. The spirit of accommodation, acceptance, and mutual appreciation has somehow degenerated into individualistic orientation and compromises with suspicion and mistrust.
What is right and what is wrong is not a issue here. The issue is change. and a Change which sweeps away so many positive features of our culture and tradition. Now I am going to attend the first love-cum-arranged wedding in my kinship network in next coming days. Let us see how the drama unfolds there?
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