Poem

Those who live on the edge do not wear a badge
Difficult and demanding it brings out the best

Stand and fall like pieces of chess
One who remains tall does not become trash

Distractions galore, excuses abound, edge repeals, turn you down
fall and fail infinite times, but come on track to get your crown

Friends leave, force dissipates, standing alone, gauging your gaze
confusion, drama, Will gets trapped, walk and walk to come out of maze

Ray of sun, a ray of hope, make new beginning, make a move
forget the past, learn the game, gem will shine, time will prove

Madness, craze, your design, bring them back, you will shine
Gone is gone, don't regret, take it easy, utilize your time

Funny contradictions of a critical situation

Sometimes there are situations which are so contradictory that expressing your real emotions can land you in real trouble. So what do you do? You simply withhold your emotions and may choose to express them in your private space. This is what happened with Pappu.

Pappu was roaming on the Delhi street on a sunny day. He was caught up with a little cold and mild fever. These two are like his siamese twins. His frequency of catching a cold is probably greater than a newlyweds frequency of having an intercourse. Cold is one such strange disease. It is like Betal with the king Vikram. It may last for eternity but it never kills. It just feels good roaming with you to every place you visit. It sits on your head, makes you release sperm like liquid from your nose which is near your mouth.

Anyway, Pappu thoughtless wandering was interrupted with a phone call from his home. A familiar baritone of his father appeared from the other end. But this time around, the tone lacked the usual enthusiasm and authority. It was slightly dull and heavy. Pappu as usual at his smart best immediately asked the question. "Tai thik hai?". The voice from the other end turned spiritual. He was informed that his aunt has been put on sallekhana and she may last only a few hours.

Pappu never really cared for his family members. Last time when his father had to undergo a surgery, he did not attend. However, he did visit his home later in the day after receiving a couple of phone call but the visit did not go without receiving welcome comments from extended family members. But in last few years Pappu has paid attention to his family and he ensures that he do not miss any sad incidents. People have a tendency to remember who all were not present in their bad times. Contrary to this, presence and absence do not matter in the good times. The phone call was still on despite some usual channel disturbances and traffic noise. After a second's thought Pappu asked his father, should I come then? In the usual uncertain tone which he father usually deliver for any such important situation including one of his surgery father said: "dekh le"? Pappu cut the call with a curt remark "chalo dekhta hun".

Pappu left home at the age of fourteen. Since then, all the decisions of his life are taken by himself. Initially, he was a confused soul who would think ten times before taking a decision but gradually he has evolved as a decision maker. He decides quickly. Most of the time, decisions are wrong. But he prefers to enjoy the consequences of a wrong decision over a state of indecision. This has fetched him a greater peace of mind. This time the decision was not tough. He knew it from the precedents. He quickly checked for the available train and good to his fortunes, he was able to get a ticket home on a train scheduled to leave in the next hour.

Rarely in the history of Indian Railways, a train leaves at a right time and reaches the destination at the right time. But this day was unusual. It was a sunny day with mild wind and Pappu was with his brothers cold and fever. Pappu often asked his brothers, why do you accompany me everywhere? The brothers always shrugged their shoulders at this question and responded with 20 more sneezes and a truck load of sperm like liquid from the nostrils. Though pappu always keep diapers i.e. handkerchief in his pocket but even they become saggy and soaked with so much mucus.

One possible reason was lesser immunity. But Pappu had good willpower and he used to eat a lot of chwanprash in his early years. Immunity could not be the right reason. There has to be something more. Maybe it was lack of discipline. The irregular sleep pattern and diet schedule generally wakes up these sleeping monsters of cold and fever.

Pappu reached Agra on time. He immediately got into an auto and headed home. There were around 10 to 15 vehicles parked outside his house. Pappu could see the density of people from a distance. He asked auto wallah to stop the auto at least 20 yards before the house. But this is where the first contradiction occurs. Auto wallah would never hear the command in the first go and race you directly into the crowd. Eventually, the brakes were applied and it could screech exactly in front of the House. It was as if Shahrukh khan was getting down from Helicopter in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam. All eyes suddenly get fixated on the auto. Pappu quite unsure of his reaction stepped out and with faint and muted smile greeted everyone. In India, the social system is so complex. Generally, in such situation out of 20 faces, 10 would be normal and dull faces, and 4 or 5 swollen faces. The rest would be smiling and business as usual scenarios. One may wonder what would be an appropriate response in such a situation? If you smile to the group of 5 then the eyebrows of rest 15 would be raised and if you cry and possibly you attract so much unwanted attention and people turn overly sympathetic towards the victim of reaction neurosis. The best way is to keep a dull face but sometimes the irony of the situation does not allow that to happen.

Anyhow, Pappu managed to come out of auto amid forty eyeballs which were noticing every small action of Pappu. He was not a very social guy. As he left home at an early agee so all his learnings of social behaviors have either come from movies or from the world which was indifferent to him. So over a period of time, even pappu had turned indifferent to the world. He did not know whether to head straight to his room or go to report his father about his arrival or directly go to the side of his aunt and tell her about his arrival? To his good fortune, people become a guiding agent in such situation. Suddenly, an elder cousin brother came and took Pappu's hand in his hand. Then after Pappu did not have to take a decision. He guided Pappu immediately to the side of his ailing aunt. Nearly 30 to 40 people had surrounded the debilitated body. Everyone made way for Pappu. The whole house rang with the chorus "Kaun Aaya, Pappu aa gaya". The same question was asked by nearly 10 to 20 people and they received the same response in a hushed tone from a person standing next to them. Pappu was introduced to his aunt who could barely open her eyes. Ladies of the house asked Pappu "Baat karo taiji se". Pappu was just unprepared for any sort of conversation. He was still figuring out the gravity of the situation. Even on a normal day, he did not know what to talk except about his studies and may be a little bit about his sperm. But even this was limited to a private audience. He was totally stumped. Obviously, the aunt would not have responded to any of the things which Pappu would have said. She was in a state of half death so now it was supposed to be a monologue. Just like we do when we play with a six-month-old kid. This is another contradiction of the situation. Everyone expect Pappu to say something which can make her aunt move her eyes or lips. But Pappu was not good at making punch lines. He was good with Namaste, though. Pappu wondered, should I ask about her health or should I try to make her laugh or should I simply sit and ignore the chorus of "baat kar, baat kar". He was confused. However, considering the irony of the situation, he made a quick decision and conveyed his namaste to his aunt.

Pappu kept his hand on her forehead. An instant connection was established between his eyes and his aunt's eyes. Aunt looked at him with her half-closed eyes. Pappu realized the sanctity of the situation. Slowly Pappu moved his mouth to the ears of her aunt and whispered "Taiji mein Pappu".

Pappu was one of the naughtiest children in the entire locality. One of his common pranks was to mimick his aunt in her absence. He used to direct all the ladies of the house in the voice of her aunt. Those were the funny days.Her aunt had a big jaamun tree at home. When Pappu used to come back from his vacation from college, her aunt used to send her a bowl full of jaamun from the tree. Over the years, the tree was cut. Pappu left the birth place and his visit s to home reduced and Aunt's health deteriorated.Today was the day to relive those sweet memories. If not for Pappu then at least for her Aunt who was nearing the death bed.

An expressionless gaze covered the face of her aunt. She blinked her eyes, telling Pappu that she has recognized him. An emotional connection got established between Pappu and her Aunt. A tear rolled from the side of her eyes. Pappu's hand grip on the forehead got stronger and he pressed the hand against her head as if he was trying to tell her that she will get well soon. But they both know that now it is no more a possibility. She has sat on Sallekhana i.e. the highest passage to the death.

Whenever Pappu visited her Aunt, she would ask her about her death and how sooner is it going to come? Pappu always told her that she is going to live for another twenty years. All those lies are being shattered on this day. Death was somewhere near twenty hours. Everyone including the aunt were waiting for it to come. Another funny contradiction of a critical situation of a life. Instead of praying for her life and health, people were praying for her death and peace. Pappu may never be able to fathom with these situations of life. 

Everybody was feeling hungry but no one was comfortable saying it on the face. But then people would sheepishly walk to the back of the kitchen and fill their tummy in a hush-hush tone. Everybody was desperate for things to finish fast but no one wished to say this. It was something forbidden. Another funny situation of a critical life circumstance. 

Enough for the day. Pappu is going to sleep now. 

A departing soul

There are certain practices in Jainism with which I do not agree entirely. One of them is Santhara or Sallekhana. In this, a soul pledges to gradually renunciate all the material and bodily pleasures and depart for the heavenly abode. A saint administers santhara or sallekhana to the departing soul whose time on the earth nears the end. Generally, a hardcore practitioner takes a sallekhana of seven to ten days. But even a common man who is nearing his end of life could be administered santhara. It is considered highest form of passage to the next life.

However, there is a little caveat. How would one know that hs or she is nearing the death? Most of the time, death is sudden. Even when death is gradual like in the case of prolonged illness, it is near impossible to tell the precise time of the death. That's where the lies the whole debate over whether santhara is a motivated suicide or forced administration of death or is it willing acceptance of holy renunciation of the body.

Mostly it is a peaceful process. In the case of common man, it is administered when doctors give up and ask the family members to prepare for the last moment. In the case of saints, they themselves find out their designated time of death using their super powers and sit on santhara. But there are times when both forms of prediction fail. The departing soul suffers, it asks for water and other things but it is denied due to religious strictures. The living body flutters, pants, and welters. Maybe it says that don't push me to death. It is as if the body is saying that maybe I was near death on the hospital bed but now suddenly I am fine. I wish to live. People wait for the death to come but life does not go. It remains there. Maybe because eros is always more than Thanatos. Even in such situation, religion finds its own way of explaining things.

It is essential that person's will is counted whether they would like to be placed on Santhara in the event of medical emergency and doctors failure. Otherwise, the case is out in open for others to consider it as a forced death or motivated suicide.

Learning of the day

Work in the silence. Let your success make the noise. Focus requires renunciation, intentional ignorance of all the possible distraction. It requires commitment and one should apply the Gandhian talisman to decide if something is distraction or attraction.

I also learned the concept of compound interest in life. Einstein once said that compound interest is the most amazing thing in life. A gradual addition of skills and knowledge takes us to unimaginable heights. A daily bit of addition acts as a compound interest and return big rewards in life.

Another hard lesson I learned is time is more valuable than money. Earlier I had a habit of using public transport because it helps in saving time, energy and conserve mental resources. Driving self-vehicle is not a great fun exercise in India. For the past two months, I changed it and started using the bike too often. Today I learned the lesson that using Bike or Car is useless except when you are with your girlfriend. It is always advisable to use public transport. One can utilize the time and be more productive at his task. If one can bear then private transport is even a better option.

Anyway, I have wasted the entire week and feel so disappointed with myself that I am not finding the right words to put on the blog. Will mark a new beginning from tomorrow morning. Good night for now.