Expectations

Budhdha spent his whole life teaching about the illness of expectations and desires but we the incorrigible ones falter every time. So addictive and pleasurable is the quest of expectation and its fulfillment.

Whatever be the walk of life, as soon as we invest even an iota of our energy, we develop expectations. Be it a love relation, or a work relation or even relationship with your own selves, expectations breed everywhere. For instance, if we study 6 hours for 6 days then the natural quest is to now study 7 hours next time. Even if we are a contented soul, the expectation of continuing with 6 hours on the seventh days arises. And that's where the trouble lies.   

We are fortunate to belong to be born and brought up in the age of great sportspersons like Usain Bolt, Sachin Tendulkar, and Roger Federer. They have made even impossible look minion. The single minded focus, persistence and highest level of work ethics they carry with them is an inspiration for the younger generation. But with great achievements come great expectations. 

For instance, today was Usain Bolt's last 100 Meter race in a competitive setup. With 11 gold medals under his belt, his is by far the best athlete world has produced in this era. Quite natural to human behavior, everyone expected him to win the gold once more, one last time as a tribute to his great career. Even he had similar expectations with himself. But just when everyone expects something to happen in some way, a twist occurs. This last race was also an opportunity for his fellow racer Justin Gatlin to beat Usain Bolt and break the jinx of being a silver medalist every time, just behind Bolt in every race.

The race began. Bolt was not off to great start neither was Gatlin. The irony of a 100-meter race is that it lasts even shorter than a premature ejaculation. So theoretically if a sneeze occurs as soon as the race begins, then there is a very high chance that race will be over before your sneeze. Hyperbolically, we can say it finishes before it even begins. Well, when the two greats are up against each other, time stops. Every moment feels like an eternity, a fight of skills, hopes, and expectations of not just the players but their millions of friends. Generally, Bolt is out and out a winner in the race between the two greats. Once on the field, he is just a different sort of person. Different confidence, a different persona. His running reminds me of the efficiency and accuracy with which piston of diesel engine works.

But today was a different script. It was a Gatlin day. He pipped past Bolt and unbolted his winning streak. Gracefully, he bowed before Bolt after the race and tears started flowing from his eyes. Bolt was also graceful in giving his trademark posture but didn't look cheerful as he generally is. The face was not glowing with satisfaction and content. And then came the words for his fans, "I am sorry, I couldn't finish on a winning note". The devil of expectation was roaring his head. 

For some, even the participation in the race would have been life time achievement. For some, even watching the race live would have been satisfying but for Bolt, nothing less than a gold, nothing other than gold could have brought a smile on his face. The devil of expectation took away his smile and peace. Winning a bronze did not look exciting to him. 

But wait. Is expectation a real devil? Is it not the energizer of his action-filled races? Was it not for his expectations in the past which made him perform exceptionally well and set new records every time? Afterall, expectations help us in rising high, pushing our limits and helps in fuelling our actions. And they are not as devilish as Budhdha portrayed them.

Expectations, hope, actions, and desires are the interlinked concepts of the wishful thinking. It ignites the flames of human action. But sadly, in the process, we forget the importance of contentment and satisfaction. We forget where we had begun. We forget what we had in the beginning. That's where the disappointment, anger, frustration, tension, anxiety, jealousy and other negative emotions occur.

So the trick is to engage in human action,  without any expectation of reciprocity. Accept whatever comes your way with grace. Try your best to beat your odds but don't loose your heart in the process. Just keep walking, keep working, keep laughing, keep cheering, keep praying, and keep enjoying all that life throws at you. May be that's what Budhdha also had in mind when he thought of expectations.

Vaccum within

Music is divine sound which fills the void in the space. All the holy and divine scriptures of the world call sound of OM as the beginning point of the Universe. I too believe strongly in the sound of OM and music especially ragas like Bhairavi.

But there are times when standing among thousands of people, surrounded by friends, family members, merrymaking gleeful crowd of people rocking on the dance floor, I feel a void in my heart. There are times when I look at the dense sky, big rain drops falling on the tree leaves, creating a crackling sound, air breeze hitting my cheeks, and I sense a kind of emptiness within. And what can describe the sense of nullity when I look at the full moon, the bright light of which falls on my temple and pre-frontal cortex and create an exhilarating sensation in the entire body? It feels like I am not a right fit for these worldly pleasures. I am made for something bigger. I feel disconnected with the force of nature. But then there are times when all I wish is to hear Linkin Park or Pink Floyd or Michael Jackson. It is difficult to describe. It is the innermost feeling of my self.

May be it is just the figment of my imagination? May be it is just the state of trance or overworked mind? May be I am giving too much importance to myself? It may be a state of schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder. But may be I am born for some higher purpose. All my life, I keep hearing that everyone is sent to earth with a specific purpose or vision. The forces of destiny conspire at every moment to push us towards our purpose. I feel too much curious and excited to know about the force of destiny and his plan for me.

Somewhere, I need a force which can fill this void. I feel the need of a force which is strong willed, loyal, loving, and courageous.

Yet the force should be forgiving, encompassing, enriching, polite, emotive, independent and soothing. A force which multiplies my prowess and does not become an investment over my resources. A force which helps in steering my energies in the right direction and through right channels. A force which can help me in connecting with the cosmic force. A force which becomes my strength and not my weakness. A force which can fill the void and not widen my emptiness. May be I am selfish. May be I am narrow. May be I am demanding. May be I am right.