Kids or commodity?

A million-dollar question which many married Indian couples face in recent years is whether to give birth to a child or not? Primarily such thought occurs for a multitude of reasons.

The marriage age is pushed to the late '20s and early 30's. Male/Female both are remain invested in prospering their careers till that time especially when they go for higher education. Therefore, a prime unfulfilled desire in them is to explore the world which supersedes the maternal/paternal instincts of many couples. But this is not the only reason.

Many couples believe in DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle. The new birth is often perceived as a responsibility that can hinder the career growth of some or brings extra financial,  mental pressure on a few others. Exploding education costs, medical expenses, and overall kids' economy cause deed uncertainty in many minds. More so, when you know that kid is not going to stay with you after a certain age. To a financial mind, It becomes like an investment without dividends. Hence people chose to live without kids. 

Cultural changes specifically family structure also play an important role in this. Earlier in joint families, grandparents used to take care of things. But now with nuclear families, the entire process of child upbringing is corporatized that parents hardly devote time to develop emotional connect with kids. As soon as the kid is born, he is admitted to Creche center. A little grown-up, he spends most of the day in playschool. Once out of it, our school education hijacks a kid's life. And soon at the age of 12, kids are shifted to boarding schools so that parents can manage and focus their career properly and the kid can build his own. So a natural question to ask is "why should we procreate kid?"

Even if one reconciles with changing cultural trends, cope up with spiraling financial burden and push aside his own personal ambition, would it be justified to bring kids for in such a polluted, resource-scarce, unsafe environment where air, water, food, and the entire ecosystem is contaminated.

A resounding answer to the question is no or don't know at the best.

In developed countries, we see the total fertility rate runs into negative despite an assured good lifestyle. Given that they are a tad ahead of us in the civilizational developmental lifecycle, we can learn from their wisdom or at least know their perspective about this issue. So the prime question as asked in the introductory paragraph is Why are they not producing kids and why should we Indians with a population of 130 crores should bear kids?

In India, earlier kids were considered a symbol of strength, working hands, a gift of gods and insurance of old age. A general impression was "More the kids, higher the masculinity". There were severe lack of avenues for entertainment. Hence, sex was the biggest source of entertainment. Women of the family were not working outside the house.  There was no awareness of protective devices and medicinal solutions to avoid pregnancy. And most strongly, not having a child was considered a social taboo. The child was seen as a flag bearer of the next generation. Hence people were producing kids.

Now the situation is reversed. Women are working. There is a high awareness of sex, pregnancy and kids. There are multiple avenues of entertainment. Families are nuclear and there is lesser insecurity about old age. Hence the question "why kids?" The only thing is social pressure, especially from parents, remains albeit bit subdued. 

I think the remaining question is of maternal/paternal instincts. Do we feel like procreating a kid so that as a couple one can have some fun or entertainment of parenting? Are we not commodifying kids?  What is so joyful about parenting in such an unsafe, polluted, and hectic environment?  

If it is about taking your generation forward, then are we not acting feudal in parenting the child? If it is about old-age insurance, are we not putting unnecessary expectation or burden on a soul which is yet to enter this world? 

Almost all the lines of thought prompted me to ask a question are we producing kids or a commodity?

Fake world and acceptance

As people move from adolescent to the adult age, one thing which defines their identity is work. Such strong is this identity that whenever you walk into any social gathering, the first question asked is what are you doing or what do you do as if the questioner is immediately offering a deal of 100 crores to the visitor. Why has the work become such a strong factor of identity? Alternatively, the question could be, why should or should not a person's work assume such importance in the social/professional discourse? 

A more general question is why we wish to be seen good. Why do we wish to portray as if everything is perfect with our life? Why can't we accept the thing that we are imperfect and all of us are living an imperfect life. And forget about others, why can't a person accept the fact that he is not living the best life and still be happy with it. Why has society conditioned ourselves in such a manner where we wish to be seen perfect, look perfect, work perfect and joy perfect. Why have we become so tunneled vision? 

Everywhere on social media, everyone is trying to project their best me. Who are we trying to impress? Why are we creating a fake world around ourselves? Why can't we simply accept our life conditions, our imperfections and our weaknesses? 

The start should happen from our talks and the way we define our self in our minds. If we accept things in our mind then we do not need to fake around. We can become more joyful, loving and peaceful and experience the calm of this chaotic real fake world. 

Construct of time

If there is one thing which could be termed root cause of all modern-day anxiety, irritation, frustrations, it is the construct of time.

It is time that creates the whole web of deadlines. What time to sleep, what time to wake up, when to finish a job, when to start a job, all of this directly originates from time. 

One who adheres to deadlines is more valued. One who fails to meet deadlines is considered failure. 

One who does things on time is considered disciplined and organized whereas other is considered indisciplined.

If you finish paper in time then you become IAS or IITian else life is doomed for you.

Time is the root cause of competition. It is the root cause of tension and stress. It is the most divisive tool in our society.

And ironically, life is most enjoyable when you forget the construct of time. Be it studies or sports or anything. 

You achieve self-actualization when you leave behind the construct of time. 

And most good things happen when we keep aside our watch. 

For instance, a sportsman playing for hours and hours without caring about body pain and day-night difference eventually reach perfection. A student who forgets the sense of day and night and keep working as long as it enjoys him eventually become a true master of things. 

So more than time, we need to worry about passion. Time is for disciplining the mediocre souls who find it difficult to set goals and find purpose in life. For those who are passionate, time is just a useless, immaterial construct that often pulls them down into mediocrity rather than excellence. 

Therefore, a civilized developed society should find ways to kill the construct of time and replace it with something better. 

A good teacher

I have had the opportunity to sit on both sides of the study table i.e. as a student as well as a teacher. I have first hand witnessed the impact a good teacher and teacher tort relationship can leave on human minds. Even nowadays I come across many teachers and students. The tendency of Self-observation creates another vantage position for me to do self-assessment and often leads me to compare my tenure as a teacher and student with other peers. It provides me insight into how could I have done a better job both as a student as well as a teacher. So here is the short summary:

1. A good teacher will always follow up with students like why did you not come to the previous class or why are you scoring less in the assignments? Nowadays teachers do not follow up with students on the pretext of giving them space or considering teaching as purely a transactional activity. A good teacher never does it. He persists and pursues students.

2. A good teacher is always considerate. He believes in forgiving. He is never distrusting rather he accepts the student's version. Even when he knows that the student is fooling around, he will always handle things with love, care, and compassion.

3. A good teacher repeats himself in the class i.e. he would say the same thing, punch lines, important concepts in the class again and again. This helps in leaving imprints on the student's minds.

4. A good teacher always starts with basics and focuses on basics. He constructs his lectures meticulously in a piecemeal manner. 

5. A good teacher praises and provides incentives for every small positive action whereas withdraws reinforcement whenever he sees red flags in student's behavior. 

6. A good teacher will always keep the class dialectical. It is never a monologue.

7. There should be a sense of genuineness, humility, and concern in the teacher's tone rather than cynicism, or saracasm. A good positive sense of humor would be the icing on the cake for the students. 

Overall, more than the content of the subject, it is the relationship between the teacher and the tort which defines the quality of the class.

This has been my learning after watching my teachers, and myself teaching a bunch of students. Hopefully I will implement some of these in my own teaching style and learn from this experience.

Handling a vendor: Key tenants

1. Always take commitment in writing.
2. Never give commitment in writing.
3. Keep a daily, weekly and monthly tracker.
4. The vendor will always try to make fool of you.
5. Keep questioning the vendor.
6. The vendor will never share the documents or give access to code. so take that.
7. Always talk to Developers.
8. Estimate your infrastructure as per your needs and not as per vendors' assessment. They definitely inflate it.
9. Keep all the communication on emails.
10. Put systems, tools, etc. in place before beginning the project.
11. Ensure you get access to all the tools.
12. Keep ownership of code with yourself and not the vendor.
13. Document, document, document.
14. Maintain a proper versioning system.
15. The vendor will always give a bigger estimate of the time. The real-time required to solve an issue would be 25% of the estimate given by him.
16. Keep some insiders in the vendor group.
17. Maintain a schedule of build deployment and release.
18. Always write your RFP document in the most comprehensive manner and leave scope for extended interpretations.
19. First work on the HTML/visuals/flow diagram so that you can present your idea independently.
20. Tracking, tracking, tracking. Do clear work allocation among your own team members.
21. Do code as well as functional reviews on a regular basis.

What is Happiness?

For a truly happy person, even if he loses everything suddenly, he should be happy. Even if he is in the company of abhorrent, he must be smiling from within. Ideally, there should not be any concept of good, bad or ugly for him. Everything should be indifferent and nothing else for a person of such demeanor.

How can we develop that kind of mindset?

1. By removing all the ought, must and should from his dictionary.

2. By removing the concept of time. Time induces fear. If we do not finish something before this deadline then this would happen. If we reach late to the office then the Boss will rebuke. 

The basic idea of true happiness has to be "living in the present" and "having no desire".

Now, what is the meaning of "Having no desire"?

Having no desire means being detached from everything around you. 

Being detached means if you get or if you do not get your desired result, maintain equanimity. 

For example, even if I do not get food for 10 days or lose everything I possess in the next moment, I shall not be frustrated, irritated or angered. 

Does this mean there should not be any rules in the way we live? Won't we slip into an animalistic life if we fail to adhere to certain rules and regulations. But isn't discipline, rules, happiness and living in the present are the antagonistic concept? Isn't the definition of happiness contains should/ought/must in itself? Aren't we motivated to act out of our desire and if no desire what would motivate us to act? Even if we act without desire, what will determine our direction of actions? And if we go with the flow, aren't we vulnerable to fall in the trap of negativity, indiscipline, and unhappiness? Can we really achieve zero? Can we really achieve thoughtlessness? or is it all useless? 

Rules are peculiar. If you take an excuse for breaking them once, you develop this as a habit.

Loose talks, discussing individual or material being in the ecosystem is the cheapest way to waste your time. Rather discuss ideas. Work on them. Make them a reality.

Your past experiences are your biggest teacher. Your mistakes are the view of the future. Identify them and draw lessons from them.

There is always a new beginning and a new start. If you are not able to achieve a desirable goal, keep trying. In pursuit of certain objectives, If you give up, or withdraw then contentment but diffidence.

If fight and win over the challenge.

Clearly I am clueless.

Resurge

After more than 100 days and nearly 3-4 failed attempts, here I am again, geared up to compile my thoughts on this blog. So without much ado, first thing first, let me list down some of the interesting events of the last 100 days of my life:

1.  The experience of working with younger kids was very interesting. It pushed my limits of what is possible and what not? There were times when I was totally lost but then I managed the situation by putting some effort. It was the most fruitful novel experience of the last 100 days where my decision to not give up helped me to emerge out with grace. But I must thank Master Prashanth for helping me overcome this challenge. More specifically, three things helped me. First was I dealt with him with patience and love rather than anger and ego. The second was the identification of my role and persistence in solving the problem. The third was my own karma which came to help me in difficult times. 

2. There was a religious family event Siddhachakra Vidhan. The Fun in Siddacharkra Vidhan was fantastic. It was a family gathering where all family members assembled for religious purposes. I remember playing the role in Somasati play where I turned an emotional scene into laughter. There was lot of dance and pooja. However, during most of the prayers/offerings/rituals, I was confused about the relevance of Dravya Pooja. I could not fathom its significance.  

3. In the office, I was fortunate to be part of some new upcoming IT projects in the Income Tax Directorate. These are the projects with cutting edge industry architecture which can change the face of the Indian Taxation and Financial system. At the same time, I picked up the issues at Office and gladly raised my voice against wrongdoings. I had immense learning in how to handle vendors but I think that requires a separate post.

4. During this time, Article 370 was revoked and a lot of prime time News hours and headlines were devoted to this.  A lot of discussion on WhatsApp and other social media was devoted to this which consumed my time as well. 3 years back, I had predicted about article 370 and Kashmir issue in my old blogs. I am glad that some of it came true. Kashmir issue is not yet resolved but at least the wheel have rolled further which is better than being stuck in one place.

5. I Settled down in Kaushambi in government flat and picked up with my new sports which I am finding somewhat challenging yet entertaining. There is some change from JNU/NII. The greenery and serenity is missing but overall it is fun and ok. Ultimately, my destiny ensures I do not stay in one place for more than 12 months.

6. The biggest blessing for me was my attendance in the Yama Samlekhna of "Parampoojya Guruvar 108 Shri Vidya Nand Ji Maharaj". This was one of the most rewarding and memorable moment of my life. My experience with other saints also prompted me to think about "What should be an Uttam Sadhu Vritti"?

7. Staying with Ayush and Ni2 was fun. "Bahut maja aaya". 

8. On the national front, the Indian economy tanked to a new low. Unemployment reached great heights. Maharashtra's political crisis showed the real face of Indian politics and Godi media continued to harm our nation.

While life was becoming routine, there were numerous things that happened which distanced me from my core. Among all the activities, four are most critical for connecting with my core self namely Meditation, Reading books, Writing blogs and Running. I failed on all four counts miserably.

In a way it was depressing. I made multiple efforts to become consistent and become more regular but all of them resulted in vain. Every time I tried to stand up, I lay flat on the floor. But there is always a new beginning. Possibly that was the learning. So here I am writing this blog and eagerly awaiting the start of my next Vipassana course in mid-December. 

I felt irritated many times over many small issues. Even I became loquacious and loud in conversations. The pleasantness, calm and equanimity were missing which concerned me at times. My employees asked me to take care of my business. He pleaded that my job will feed only one stomach but my business will feed 20's of them. My friends giving me unsolicited advice about not to waste my life. And my tendency to look at my palm worsened which in a way indicates that I worry about my future. 

So these were the past 100 days of my life. My failure/disinclination to document my thoughts was my biggest mistake. Every day there were so many unique mention-worthy incidents, startup ideas, political-economic comments on which I wished to write. However, I have no clue why was there so much disinclination for documenting these thoughts.

One prime reason was lack of time. Another was a lack of personal space. And third was lack of silence within. Anyway, there is always a new beginning. and It always feels good to stand up after falling flat. So here I am raising the toast to my new beginning and hoping to draw strength from this experience.