Kids or commodity?

A million-dollar question which many married Indian couples face in recent years is whether to give birth to a child or not? Primarily such thought occurs for a multitude of reasons.

The marriage age is pushed to the late '20s and early 30's. Male/Female both are remain invested in prospering their careers till that time especially when they go for higher education. Therefore, a prime unfulfilled desire in them is to explore the world which supersedes the maternal/paternal instincts of many couples. But this is not the only reason.

Many couples believe in DINK (double income no kids) lifestyle. The new birth is often perceived as a responsibility that can hinder the career growth of some or brings extra financial,  mental pressure on a few others. Exploding education costs, medical expenses, and overall kids' economy cause deed uncertainty in many minds. More so, when you know that kid is not going to stay with you after a certain age. To a financial mind, It becomes like an investment without dividends. Hence people chose to live without kids. 

Cultural changes specifically family structure also play an important role in this. Earlier in joint families, grandparents used to take care of things. But now with nuclear families, the entire process of child upbringing is corporatized that parents hardly devote time to develop emotional connect with kids. As soon as the kid is born, he is admitted to Creche center. A little grown-up, he spends most of the day in playschool. Once out of it, our school education hijacks a kid's life. And soon at the age of 12, kids are shifted to boarding schools so that parents can manage and focus their career properly and the kid can build his own. So a natural question to ask is "why should we procreate kid?"

Even if one reconciles with changing cultural trends, cope up with spiraling financial burden and push aside his own personal ambition, would it be justified to bring kids for in such a polluted, resource-scarce, unsafe environment where air, water, food, and the entire ecosystem is contaminated.

A resounding answer to the question is no or don't know at the best.

In developed countries, we see the total fertility rate runs into negative despite an assured good lifestyle. Given that they are a tad ahead of us in the civilizational developmental lifecycle, we can learn from their wisdom or at least know their perspective about this issue. So the prime question as asked in the introductory paragraph is Why are they not producing kids and why should we Indians with a population of 130 crores should bear kids?

In India, earlier kids were considered a symbol of strength, working hands, a gift of gods and insurance of old age. A general impression was "More the kids, higher the masculinity". There were severe lack of avenues for entertainment. Hence, sex was the biggest source of entertainment. Women of the family were not working outside the house.  There was no awareness of protective devices and medicinal solutions to avoid pregnancy. And most strongly, not having a child was considered a social taboo. The child was seen as a flag bearer of the next generation. Hence people were producing kids.

Now the situation is reversed. Women are working. There is a high awareness of sex, pregnancy and kids. There are multiple avenues of entertainment. Families are nuclear and there is lesser insecurity about old age. Hence the question "why kids?" The only thing is social pressure, especially from parents, remains albeit bit subdued. 

I think the remaining question is of maternal/paternal instincts. Do we feel like procreating a kid so that as a couple one can have some fun or entertainment of parenting? Are we not commodifying kids?  What is so joyful about parenting in such an unsafe, polluted, and hectic environment?  

If it is about taking your generation forward, then are we not acting feudal in parenting the child? If it is about old-age insurance, are we not putting unnecessary expectation or burden on a soul which is yet to enter this world? 

Almost all the lines of thought prompted me to ask a question are we producing kids or a commodity?

Fake world and acceptance

As people move from adolescent to the adult age, one thing which defines their identity is work. Such strong is this identity that whenever you walk into any social gathering, the first question asked is what are you doing or what do you do as if the questioner is immediately offering a deal of 100 crores to the visitor. Why has the work become such a strong factor of identity? Alternatively, the question could be, why should or should not a person's work assume such importance in the social/professional discourse? 

A more general question is why we wish to be seen good. Why do we wish to portray as if everything is perfect with our life? Why can't we accept the thing that we are imperfect and all of us are living an imperfect life. And forget about others, why can't a person accept the fact that he is not living the best life and still be happy with it. Why has society conditioned ourselves in such a manner where we wish to be seen perfect, look perfect, work perfect and joy perfect. Why have we become so tunneled vision? 

Everywhere on social media, everyone is trying to project their best me. Who are we trying to impress? Why are we creating a fake world around ourselves? Why can't we simply accept our life conditions, our imperfections and our weaknesses? 

The start should happen from our talks and the way we define our self in our minds. If we accept things in our mind then we do not need to fake around. We can become more joyful, loving and peaceful and experience the calm of this chaotic real fake world. 

Construct of time

If there is one thing which could be termed root cause of all modern-day anxiety, irritation, frustrations, it is the construct of time.

It is time that creates the whole web of deadlines. What time to sleep, what time to wake up, when to finish a job, when to start a job, all of this directly originates from time. 

One who adheres to deadlines is more valued. One who fails to meet deadlines is considered failure. 

One who does things on time is considered disciplined and organized whereas other is considered indisciplined.

If you finish paper in time then you become IAS or IITian else life is doomed for you.

Time is the root cause of competition. It is the root cause of tension and stress. It is the most divisive tool in our society.

And ironically, life is most enjoyable when you forget the construct of time. Be it studies or sports or anything. 

You achieve self-actualization when you leave behind the construct of time. 

And most good things happen when we keep aside our watch. 

For instance, a sportsman playing for hours and hours without caring about body pain and day-night difference eventually reach perfection. A student who forgets the sense of day and night and keep working as long as it enjoys him eventually become a true master of things. 

So more than time, we need to worry about passion. Time is for disciplining the mediocre souls who find it difficult to set goals and find purpose in life. For those who are passionate, time is just a useless, immaterial construct that often pulls them down into mediocrity rather than excellence. 

Therefore, a civilized developed society should find ways to kill the construct of time and replace it with something better. 

A good teacher

I have had the opportunity to sit on both sides of the study table i.e. as a student as well as a teacher. I have first hand witnessed the impact a good teacher and teacher tort relationship can leave on human minds. Even nowadays I come across many teachers and students. The tendency of Self-observation creates another vantage position for me to do self-assessment and often leads me to compare my tenure as a teacher and student with other peers. It provides me insight into how could I have done a better job both as a student as well as a teacher. So here is the short summary:

1. A good teacher will always follow up with students like why did you not come to the previous class or why are you scoring less in the assignments? Nowadays teachers do not follow up with students on the pretext of giving them space or considering teaching as purely a transactional activity. A good teacher never does it. He persists and pursues students.

2. A good teacher is always considerate. He believes in forgiving. He is never distrusting rather he accepts the student's version. Even when he knows that the student is fooling around, he will always handle things with love, care, and compassion.

3. A good teacher repeats himself in the class i.e. he would say the same thing, punch lines, important concepts in the class again and again. This helps in leaving imprints on the student's minds.

4. A good teacher always starts with basics and focuses on basics. He constructs his lectures meticulously in a piecemeal manner. 

5. A good teacher praises and provides incentives for every small positive action whereas withdraws reinforcement whenever he sees red flags in student's behavior. 

6. A good teacher will always keep the class dialectical. It is never a monologue.

7. There should be a sense of genuineness, humility, and concern in the teacher's tone rather than cynicism, or saracasm. A good positive sense of humor would be the icing on the cake for the students. 

Overall, more than the content of the subject, it is the relationship between the teacher and the tort which defines the quality of the class.

This has been my learning after watching my teachers, and myself teaching a bunch of students. Hopefully I will implement some of these in my own teaching style and learn from this experience.