Deja Vu

It's a lovely morning, drizzling, cool and cloudy weather. Yesterday was UPSC preliminary examination. It was culmination point of weeks of prelims oriented preparation. The 48 hours period before, during and after the UPSC examination is an emotional journey which takes one to the totally unthinkable trajectory. 

The day before the exam is filled with uncertainty, anxiety, and fear. Somewhere it is interlaced with confidence and inner belief in success. Anxiety drives you to sleeplessness. People find it difficult to sleep on the night before. Despite months and years of preparation, no one can be sure about what kind of paper UPSC might set. 

The day of examination is generally dealt in preparing ourselves to deal with unpredictability which UPSC will throw predictably. As each second passes in the examination hall, one may wonder why did he leave one topic and chose other and how he could have done something more for the examination? But all of this comes with an advantage of hindsight. During the preparation, aspirants have so much to read and study that it is very difficult to pick and choose one thing over the others. And add UPSC's unpredictability to this entire scheme and it gets very difficult. 

As the exam gets over, everyone heads home. Some go to a friend's place or find avenues for releasing tension. Answer sheets flood the market. None of them is perfect but people use them for tallying their score. This is when another strange emotion occurs. For me, this year was a strange experience. Some sort of fear had gripped me and I was very reluctant in checking my total. Given this year was the last attempt so a negative result would have set the tone for the rest of the life. Checking the total was akin to a person uncovering a face of a covered dead body praying to the god internally that it does not turn out to be a known person. 

Overall, UPSC preparation is like living the life on the edge, in the realm of uncertainty and emotional turmoil. It is a very difficult journey and it requires a very strong balance of mind.  For that matter, it is a similar experience with any other dream in life. An experience worth experiencing and enjoying.

Quest for an identity

A scurry look at your surrounding and you will find everyone hurrying around, trying to catch up with time, doing multiple things simultaneously and running short of time. Why has this become a trend of the global work culture? Why are people so busy and so anxious all the time? Why can't we simply walk instead of racing or relax instead of being anxious? 

These conundrums do not have a simple straight answer. Oftentimes, it is fear. Fear of unknown. Fear of losing job or missing out on assignment or failing in the competition. But a deeper analysis shows that it is more than just the factor of fear. It is a compulsive craving to carve out an identity for yourself.  It is an issue of identity achievement or identity crisis whichever way one may like to call it.

The global work culture has created a norm system where individual identity is tied to his economic achievements. Economics is the hard reality of the modern era. Thus most of the struggle revolves around achieving an identity which can ensure good economic well-being. In this interrelationship of economics and identity, the job becomes a major fulcrum around which everything revolves. Therefore, most of the people run for such job which is high money paying. This will give better economic security and as a result better identity. Alternatively, people go for jobs which are more secure and cushy in nature. Here also the purpose remains the same. 

So what is the way out? The way out is to discard the quest for identity. Discard the quest for being well known or well recognized. Once one is able to do that then there is no compulsive need for economic security or high paying job. One can easily relax and have fun. But it is easier said than done. From one angle, this may indicate a defeatist attitude. From another angle, this shows avoidance attitude. 

Good Night.

Whirlwind

A night of joy and happiness for many of my friends but also a night of gloom and uncertainty for few others. Another year of UPSC result. There is so much to write but I'll limit myself to three dimensions and my learnings from them.

First is about the importance of consistency in pursuit: The punishment for heinous crime is 7 years rigorous imprisonment. For some candidates, UPSC does become a heinous crime. Years after years, they continue to mill day and night for this exam but in the end, it all turns futile. However, there are some who achieve their goal and make it big. One such friend is Priyank. Yesterday seeing him through made me feel joyous and happy. I could share his happiness vicariously. He went through numerous ups and downs but kept his calm. All the self-respect and esteem was put on the stake. Life hinged on UPSC. Eventually, success touched his feet. A standing ovation to his consistency pursuit.

Second is about the importance of positive thinking in the pursuit: I came across a candidate who no one had expected to clear the examination but in the end, she cleared it with a bang. It is a perfect story of a minion overcoming a tiger and riding on it. One would be left wondering that how could she do it? She was always so full of doubt and uncertainty. In her words, one thought that 'nobody knows the result and she could be the rank one' ignited the feeling of self-belief amid all the clouds of darkness and doubts.  

The third is about the importance of accepting of the result: Some of my friends invested entire decade into this examination. One failure is relatively easy to swallow but a series of failure is too hard to absorb. One may start doubting the concept of God, or hard work, and often question his destiny. In the midst of so much negativity, the real stars are those who are able to get up after each failure and walk unscathed and indifferently in the middle of demolishing dreams.  These are the pure souls. One who have undergone transformation and who have learned the reality of the life. The reality is life is a myth. We take so much of it for granted. 

My learnings:

Believe in your stars. They listen and respond to your beliefs.

Life is simple. Take it easy. Do not compare. Just chill. Your happiness could be your biggest reward. Those who clear it may be happy for a moment but those who understand the nature and vagaries of life through this exam will be happy eternally. 

Consistency, positive thinking, and resilience is the way to go.

Love

What is love?

Sachin loved cricket
Phelps loved Swimming
Pele loved Football
Heer loved Ranjha

Love is bliss
Love is divine
Love is joy
Love is wine

Love is music
Love is calm
Love is peace
Love is balm

Love is sweet
Love is share
Love is freedom
Love is care

Love is moot
Love is dance
Love is happy
Love is trance

Love is life
Love is jolly
Love is soul
Love is holy

[Alpha to Beta, Alpha to Beta: Tring Tring Current current..aaaaaaaaaah]

Love is hell
Life becomes drama
Love is pain
Gives you trauma

Love is fault
Makes one blind
Many conditions
Never free mind

Love is Dance
Dance on chance
Drink alcohol
Get your trance

Love is eve
Love is Adam
Have sex
Forget madam

[Wake up sid.. wake up]

Oh yeah,
Love is pious
Love is loyal
Love your wife
Live as royal

Love is liquid
Love is gas
Love is moment
Love is bash

Love Love Love
Where are you?
Reach me out

Hmm, wake up sid wake up
You can't love

But Why?

Hmm, Love is not caste
Love is not beauty
Love is not white
Love is not sexy

Love is not religion
Love is not words
Love is not thoughts
Love is not nerds

Love is Love
Love yourself
Love your wife
Love your children
Love your life

Love the darkness
Love the hate
Love the pity
Love all mates

Love adds
Love multiplies
Never subtract
Nor divides

Open your heart, open your eyes
Feel others, keep thoughts aside

Energy flow and vibes dance
Feeling of god, gateway to trance

I can not be defined.......

Indian Diaries: Amazination 1.0

How would one describe India? A land of possibilities. A land of opportunities. A land full of contradictions and misgivings. One cursory reading of a day's newspaper headlines would tell that it's nearly impossible to capture its soul in a single word. It is simply an "amazing nation". Let's see how?

Pick up your daily newspaper and see the pattern of headlines. Front page full picture of Mumbai Indians lifting the IPL title with full pomp and style reminds us about the vibrancy and dynamism in the country. The media bytes of Modi and AdityaNath show the changing face of politics in the nation. Two celibates are occupying two of the most important office in the country. Scroll down further, one can spot the news related to Indian culture, dance forms which exhibit the richness and depth of Indian culture. For a moment take Sarhul festival of Jharkhand which celebrates the bond between the society and Nature. Similarly, one can find news item related to godmen and mystics who perform some or other magic to defeat the logic of sciences. The viewpoint of the land of possibilities and opportunities is also reinforced by the news items of India's praise by some international organization or some leader of international repute. Increasing digitalization, democratization and demography promise a safe future for the nation.

Despite all the positivity which exuberates from above kind of items, one can ignore the dark side at this own peril. Saharanpur caste violence, slipping Kashmir, class and gender violence, terror, and throat severing competition amid corruption tell a totally different story. One can not help but feel uncertain of the future of the country. The increasing competition for resources, a dangerous level of population pressure and lack of institutional leadership indicate that country is bound to go down on the path to hell unless corrective measures are not put in place by some decisive leadership. Sometimes the negativity is so high that it is simply soul-scaring.

In this duality of existence lies the contradictions and the misgivings of India. I am starting this series of daily blogs to capture some successful and failure stories of the national journey of survival and development. Hope it will enrich mine and your world view in time to come. Till then Good Night.

Flying time

The best and the worst thing in UPSC preparation is that the time flies faster than the speed of light. It's a strange world. Whatever you do, there are no right or wrong standards. Only your selection decides whether what you did was right or wrong?

One of the most difficult thing in life is to maintain a disciplined schedule. The bigger challenge is to recover the schedule after a break.

There are so many things to write about but some days I just don't feel like writing. But then I got to write.How should I begin? How should I pick up the broken schedule? How should I go about it? I have no clue.

Life becomes bland at times. There are moments when you wish to settle down but such moments are hard to come.

You need to keep telling yourself "Happy happy happy". I suffer from task amnesia. Jumping randomly from one branch to the other. All I need is to keep the calm and keep preparing. That's it.

I finished Sapiens but I am yet to post a review for the same. It was a wonderful read. Very wonderful I would say. It helps in understanding the minion existence of humans in the history. War love life empires everything was covered.

Now I am reading Swami Paramahamsa Yogananda. A good read. I need to be more punctual about it.

Do not forget few principles:
1. Make a schedule
2. Follow it with sincerity

Don't be afraid of anything. Go on and on and on.
I used to write regularly. Then I stopped then I begun again. Then I again stopped. Then I begin again and then I again stopped.
You stopped. You fluttered. You fall but its ok. Rise again and keep walking. Maybe slow. Maybe a little but do walk on the path.

Life is long. Keep your calm. Shiva-Shakti is with you.
Forget about the whole world for next 6 months. Let people make comments. Just write and write.

Anti-romeo squads in UP

The era of Yogi has begun in the most populous state of India i.e. Uttar Pradesh. Anti-Romeo squads are doing rounds on the street of U.P. in an attempt to catch hold of eve-teasers in the city. It is a welcome step as it would help in empowering the women by making them more safe and secure but how far it could be implemented successfully is yet to be seen.

The weakest link in the chain is the enforcing authority which is the police force of the state. To people's dismay, the police of the state are not sensitized enough to deal with these issues amicably.

Firstly, often they are on the other side of the fence as an eve-teasers. The askance look with which they view a mini-skirt clad women or the derogatory manner in which they deal with a lawful couple in itself raises eyebrows over their own capacity to deal with such issues. For example, police tonsured the head of a couple of such Romeos. This speaks volume about the unprofessional manner of policing.

Secondly, the false positives and the media coverage given to such cases shed an alarming threat to this policy. For example, two siblings were caught by police and despite their repeated request, police did not heed to their plea. In a culture where any two opposite sex teens who roam together are considered love birds, it is difficult to enforce these anti-Romeo guidelines in a proper manner.

Thirdly, the enforcing authority itself suffers from the bug of patriarchy. What kind of real empowerment could they bring then? This needs to be busted first. In fact, this is not just limited to the police personnel. Rather the political leadership needs to refine their views on the issue of patriarchy.

Till now the anti-Romeo squads have not transceded to the boundary of fascism where women is to motherhood as men is to war. But only time will tell, how the real implementation will unfold. As a measure of change and statement of resolve to make UP a Uttam Pradesh, this is a good beginning but we need to carefully watch its implementation.