Vaccum within

Music is divine sound which fills the void in the space. All the holy and divine scriptures of the world call sound of OM as the beginning point of the Universe. I too believe strongly in the sound of OM and music especially ragas like Bhairavi.

But there are times when standing among thousands of people, surrounded by friends, family members, merrymaking gleeful crowd of people rocking on the dance floor, I feel a void in my heart. There are times when I look at the dense sky, big rain drops falling on the tree leaves, creating a crackling sound, air breeze hitting my cheeks, and I sense a kind of emptiness within. And what can describe the sense of nullity when I look at the full moon, the bright light of which falls on my temple and pre-frontal cortex and create an exhilarating sensation in the entire body? It feels like I am not a right fit for these worldly pleasures. I am made for something bigger. I feel disconnected with the force of nature. But then there are times when all I wish is to hear Linkin Park or Pink Floyd or Michael Jackson. It is difficult to describe. It is the innermost feeling of my self.

May be it is just the figment of my imagination? May be it is just the state of trance or overworked mind? May be I am giving too much importance to myself? It may be a state of schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder. But may be I am born for some higher purpose. All my life, I keep hearing that everyone is sent to earth with a specific purpose or vision. The forces of destiny conspire at every moment to push us towards our purpose. I feel too much curious and excited to know about the force of destiny and his plan for me.

Somewhere, I need a force which can fill this void. I feel the need of a force which is strong willed, loyal, loving, and courageous.

Yet the force should be forgiving, encompassing, enriching, polite, emotive, independent and soothing. A force which multiplies my prowess and does not become an investment over my resources. A force which helps in steering my energies in the right direction and through right channels. A force which can help me in connecting with the cosmic force. A force which becomes my strength and not my weakness. A force which can fill the void and not widen my emptiness. May be I am selfish. May be I am narrow. May be I am demanding. May be I am right.